A year ago, I had a reading done by a medium (psychic that can communicate with those who have passed). He told me that the guy I was with was not “the one” and that I needed to let go of the relationship. He also said I needed to spend sometime being single. I didn’t need a psychic to tell me this but the universe found a creative way to keep pushing the message my way.
This time I listened.
With the relationship gone I felt lost. I poured so much of myself into the relationship I forgot about myself. Work and school held the other portions of my time and energy, so I didn’t notice myself slipping away.
So I booked a trip to Australia.
In the first grade I decided I would go there. 19 years later I embarked on 22 hours of flying to get there. This was a major leap outside of my comfort zone. I had never been out of the US before and didn’t know anyone in AUS.
But I needed to go.
I had an amazing time with strangers who were beyond kind. A kindness that I forgot existed in the world. When I came back all I wanted was to be honestly and purely myself. I needed to find that kindness and love for myself.
So I promised myself that for the next five years (at least) I would be committed to only myself.
To many people, this sounded insane.
But I knew it was what I needed. Because when I looked at my life,
I realized I was a girl for far too short a time.
I was a student for almost all my life.
I was a sister and a friend always.
I was an employee and volunteer from the time I could work.
I was a loving and at times difficult girlfriend.
Where was I in MY life?
I was almost ashamed to admit I never did anything to truly and honestly take care of myself or put myself first.
But I wasn’t going to waste anymore time.
Even though I don’t know how to love myself and be selfish. And even when I was told I should date this guy or that one or I should plan on a family soon.
I am determined.
Over the last year I have laughed so hard I cried. I rediscovered what my true smile feels like. I have made new friends and paid closer attention to the ones that were good all along. I have taken more chances and seen new places. Stepped out of my comfort zones. Let go of what no longer serves me. And no longer wonder “what if I gave myself a chance?”
It is never too late to begin loving yourself. And I hope you do ❤ RX